A Poem - I Know My Beloved Is Here

Dear [insert higher/deeper power(s) of choice],

I ache I ache
I ache so often I ache.
I know you are here
I keep reminding myself you are here
the terrifying submission
I fight or is it
surrender whatever
the terrifying servitude
I fight
my lips curl in a sneer
so worthless
I long to destroy my evil self
my serving self
my rebellious self



it's grey outside
I don't know how I'll make rent
everything is ugly
the prefab block buildings
when I'm out here
I feel like I'm in a nightmare
the ones I have where I'm in another world
and it's all wrong
upside down and inside out
and I can't get back home
and something or someone is after me

my beloved is here
my beloved is here

I was created from love
my skin made from love
my fingernails
my breasts
my vagina
my genitals
my sweat glands
my toes
created from love

my eyes
my nose
ears
lips
lashes
cheeks

my heart, my soul
my beloved is here
I can be sad
I can be scared
I can scream
I can kick
my beloved is here
my beloved is here

who is my beloved?

Love
Compassion
Understanding
Forgiveness
The High Magician
The Miracle Maker
my shepherd
the possibler of the impossible
Patience
selfless service

LOVE
COMPASSION
UNDERSTANDING
FORGIVENESS
PATIENCE
FAITHFULNESS
SELFLESS SERVICE
SUPPORTIVENESS
ENTHUSIASM
POSITIVITY?
PEACE